Agoraphobic Nosebleed – ‘Make a Joyful Noise’

Posted on 18/11/2011

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It’s not even December yet, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start to get excited; it is, after all, a pretty darned magical time of year. And what better way to soundtrack decorating the tree, eating candy canes and wrapping presents than with some Agoraphobic Nosebleed? The fact that this, 11 Christmas-themed ANb songs, even exists is nothing short of a Yuletide miracle, and you can’t imagine my delight when I found out. The release, entitled Make a Joyful Noise, is available as part of Decibel magazine’s esteemed flexi disc series and has a total running time of four glorious, crushing minutes of pure holiday cheer. I honestly love this band, and pretty much everything they’ve produced in the last couple of years is total grindcore gold, and this is no different. The longest track (with a running time of 50 whole seconds) on this 7″, ‘Little Town of Bethlehem’, is probably my favourite, showcasing the band’s riff-heavy thrash tendencies in the best possible way and as always, the lyrics are genius, ridiculously over the top gonzo-ish tributes to that most wholesome of Christian celebrations. Seriously, I’m gonna post them below because I think I’m in love:

1. EYES LIKE TWO PISSHOLES IN THE SNOW (2011 HOLIDAY EDITION)
Eyes like two pissholes in the snow!

2. HUNG LIKE A STOCKING BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE
His neck in a noose he hung like strange fruit from the Christmas tree

3. SANTA’S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG
Santa’s got a brand new bag of dicks to suck
Polar bear, jolly ol’ queer, Santa he likes it rough

4. RE-GIFTED
With all these fuckin’ nerds and goofs
Did you actually think metal was recession-proof?
RapidShare is a computer virus
Like an STD for the music industry it spread
And now all we’re left w/is this
Scion A/V free Crusher ten
Wrapped up and re-gifted to loved ones and friends
Remember it’s the thought that counts

5. NO PRESENTS THIS YEAR
No presents from Scion this year, just regrets
And this holiday issue of Decibel w/the ANb flex

6. WITH A SNIFF AND A WINK
Dilated eyes, rosy red cheeks
He put a finger to the side of his nose
Up his chimney it rose
With a sniff and a wink

7. RE-WRAPPED AND RE-GIFTED AGAIN (BY KAZUMOTO ENDO)

8. FROZEN CORPSE STUFFED WITH HOLIDAY CHEER
Mall metal teens torching a manger
Inficide, deicide, newborn baby Jesus burned alive
You shouldn’t have lied to your kids about Santa
Frozen corpse stuffed w/holiday cheer
Body bag full of gifts for all the boys and girls this year

9. GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
Cannibal Corpse can eat Seth Putnam’s dead putrid dick
Obituary for Obituary, boredom the cause of death
Best thing about death metal is it’s fuckin’ dead

10. CHRISTMAS THROUGH THE YEARS
When my grandfather was a child
All he’d get for Christmas was a carton of cigarettes
These days that would be an expensive gift for a kid

11. LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM
Doomed labels all w/the wolverine blues
Shepherd their flock of sheep
To god city to be forever “Entombed”
By lord, savior producer, douche
Fuck Kurt Ballou
Bring your sound down to clowntown
Do you hear what I hear?
Your sound is now his sound
You’re paying for the name

Gather your loved ones, pour some hot cocoa and get comfy with Make a Joyful Noise. All hail ANb.

Agoraphobic Nosebleed – Make a Joyful Noise

Download: (Mediafire)

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